


Midgard, a Little Over Two Centuries Ago

by surrealmeme



Series: MCU Canon Divergent Frostiron [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crimson Peak Inspired, Crimson Peak Spoilers, Gambling, Gen, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Miðgarðr | Midgard, Post-Avengers (2012), Storytelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 15:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surrealmeme/pseuds/surrealmeme
Summary: “One of the chips are yours,” Thor said. “I think that you should at least recount one of your past experiences on Midgard, rather than pay the sum.”“That would be much more entertaining than a simple transfer of funds,” Loki agreed.





	Midgard, a Little Over Two Centuries Ago

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in an AU in which The Avengers ended with Loki managing to turn against the Chitauri/Thanos + acquire and keep the Tesseract. He eventually exchanges it with Odin for his exoneration and freedom; eventually he becomes a chaotic neutral sometimes-ally to the Avengers that periodically animates large objects and sends them on a rampage to be a pain in said Avengers’ asses. Also, the story told by Loki is based on a movie called Crimson Peak, which, as you may have guessed, stars Tom Hiddleston.

“I think I’ll be buying myself something quite expensive with all this money,” Loki mused. “JARVIS, what useful items are considered status symbols on Midgard?”

“A Rolex watch would suit your purposes, Mr. Liesmith,” JARVIS responded. “There are also several fountain pens you may be interested in, if -”

“Oh, shut up and stop rubbing it in, JARVIS,” Tony interrupted.

“What, sir?” JARVIS asked with far too much snark for an AI. “Your and the other Avengers’ utter defeat?”

“I’m going to shut you down and let a bunch of clueless college kids poke around your code,” Tony weakly threatened. “For real.”

No one acknowledged the empty words with a response.

“Come on, give us our money back,” Clint then protested. “It’s not like you need or care about it, anyway.”

“Yes!” Tony jumped in, enthusiastically agreeing. “I _distinctly_ recall your attitude of ‘Your mortal currency means nothing to me’ from a few days ago.”

“This sum should barely make a difference to you, Anthony, if you are truly as wealthy as you often boast you are,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. “Besides, all of you were foolish to let the god of mischief join your gambling.”

“You cheated, so you should be disqualified, then,” Steve said, ever so righteous.

“I’m sure you’re all aware that Agents Romanov and Barton routinely cheat as well, yet you say nothing about it,” Loki pointed out, “and really, what did you expect? Fair play? None of you are that naive.”

The Avengers groused, as Loki’s statement was obviously true. And Natasha and Clint could hardly complain, as they would be forfeiting their own winnings.

“It was not dislike of the game that made me decline your offer of participation,” Thor remarked. “Playing a game of wagers against my brother is something I’d never advise.”

Loki smirked.

“But brother,” Thor continued, “you did not win the entire pot, as Clint and Natasha have their own winnings.”

“So? What are you suggesting, brother?”

“One of the chips are yours,” Thor said. “I think that you should at least recount one of your past experiences on Midgard, rather than pay the sum.”

Loki was not adverse to the suggestion at all, contrary to what the Avengers, with the exception of Thor, had expected.

“That _would_ be much more entertaining than a simple transfer of funds,” Loki agreed. “I believe you have never heard this story either, brother,” he said, and began,

“A little over two centuries ago, I first journeyed to Midgard. I was in the countries of America and England, and took the identity of some shamefully poor aristocrat, noble in title only. It was an experiment to see how quickly I could manipulate my way into a fortune.”

As Loki told his story, it became clear that the tale had become something of a horrible legend over the years.

“Any chance you went by the name of Thomas Sharpe?” Bruce asked.

“What, the incestuous baronet?” Tony said.

“Why indeed,” Loki confirmed. “Although it wasn’t truly incest - Lucille was merely a clone of myself that I turned female. Having a sister proved useful in some cases.”

“Is no one going to comment on the fact that he fucked himself?” Clint muttered.

“Seeing that foolish woman’s reaction was very amusing,” Loki replied. “At first I thought her clever, until she so easily, as a result of her infatuation, forgave me for quite harshly, ah, breaking her heart, I believe the phrase is.”

Loki paused.

“I’m sure you’d never do that if I very rudely insulted you and belittled your life’s work in front of your friends and colleagues, Anthony,” he then said. “Especially if I had lavishly praised it for weeks before. You’d never be such a fool, would you, oh dearest?” Loki said, an exaggeratedly sweet tone bleeding into his voice.

“I’d never even consider taking your sorry ass back, _love_ ,” Tony replied, just as simpering and sickly-sweet.

They smirked as the others complained about how obnoxious they were being. After a short period of banter and borderline obscene quips, Loki continued with and then concluded his story.

Thor was the first to respond, and said,

“I see why you have never told me this particular tale before, brother.”

“It _is_ rather unsavoury,” Loki admitted, “and I have not employed such methods since, if that concerns you.”

“It was effective, though, even if pretty fucked up,” Natasha commented. “Why’d you stop?”

“It was much too time-consuming and involved to be worth the amount of amusement I got from it, as there are many faster means to the same ends,” Loki answered. “And what western Midgardians considered high-class and fashionable at the time was unnecessarily gaudy and uncomfortable,” he then added.

“Valid,” Natasha said, quite satisfied with the answer she got.

“Sure you might’ve been hot and all,” Tony said, earning a few pointed looks that suggested his being biased, “but it sure seems like you were an ass. Can’t help but find it hard to believe that four women oh-so-willingly married you.”

“I can be _very_ charming if needed,” Loki dryly said, “although that was hardly necessary with you. Now, I believe I have something to purchase,” he said, leaving the tower.

“Was that first part meant to be a damn insult or not?” Tony called after him, but not with much interest in the answer. His greater priority was discussing this new revelation and debating the validity of Loki’s claims.

“The sister part is surely true,” Thor said, “but I doubt the reason my brother offered is the main one.”

And thus, a large wager was made by the Avengers, sans Thor, concerning Loki’s true motivations behind his “sister.”

+++

“Isn’t it obvious?” Loki later told Thor. “It’s because I’m terribly vain and wanted all the men and women that saw me to desire at least one of my forms.”

“I take it desiring was all they did?” Thor said. “You’ve always thought yourself above the affections of mortals, until now.”

“Indeed,” Loki agreed. “Do not tell anyone the true reason, brother, until they puzzle out something sufficiently close themselves.”

“The Man of Iron included?”

“I always deny it when he says I’m vain,” Loki said. “I expect his answer will be the furthest from the truth of all.”


End file.
